Guides
Guides for families
We write these because families ask us the same questions, usually late at night. They are free, they mention Smriti once at the bottom, and they are no substitute for your parent’s own doctor.
What to say on the phone when your parent has memory loss
A phone call with a parent who is losing their memory can go quiet fast. What other families say instead, what to stop asking, and why the call still counts.
Caring for a parent with memory loss when you live abroad
What works when your parent is in India and you are not: the person on the ground, the rhythm of ordinary days, the paperwork, and the guilt nobody warns you about.
Why a familiar voice still reaches someone with memory loss
Names and dates go before voices do. What families notice about recorded voices, what reminiscence work suggests, and what a voice cannot do.
Why evenings are harder, and what families do about it
Restlessness, repeated questions and wanting to go home, all arriving around dusk. What families in India try, what usually helps, and when to call the doctor.
When your parent asks for someone who has died
Your mother asks when her husband is coming home, and he died four years ago. What families say instead of correcting her, and why the kind answer is not the true one.
When your parent does not recognise you
The first time your mother looks at you like a stranger is the worst hour of this illness for most families. What is actually happening, what to say in the moment, and why she often knows you anyway.
Calling your parent in India when you live in another time zone
Which hour of their day is worth your six in the morning, why the evening call so often goes badly, and how families in Toronto, London and Dubai actually run this.
When relatives say it is just old age
The uncle who says everyone forgets things, the aunt who says she is fine when guests come. Why Indian families delay so long, and what actually moves the conversation.
Why old songs still reach them
Your mother cannot follow a conversation and can sing every word of a film song from 1971. Why music lasts longer than speech, and how families use it.
The guilt that does not go
You are doing more than anyone and it never feels like enough. Why caring for a parent with memory loss produces guilt that logic will not touch, and what helps a little.
Memory loss care in India: what families actually do
Who does the caring, what it costs, where the help is, and what the rest of the family says. The practical picture for an Indian household, without the American assumptions.
When they want to go home and they are already home
Your father is standing at the door with his bag, in the house he has lived in for thirty years. What home means when it stops being a place, and what actually settles it.
The same question again and again
She has asked what day it is eleven times since lunch. Why repeating the answer is the kind thing to do, why it is so hard to keep doing, and what reduces the asking.
Awake at three in the morning
She is dressed and making tea at 3am and the whole house is up. Why nights come apart, what to change during the day, and how families divide the dark hours.
Finding a memory doctor in India
Who to see, how to get the appointment, what to bring, and what the visit can actually give you. Written for families in Delhi, Mumbai, Bangalore, Hyderabad, Chennai and Pune.
When they say you took something
Your mother tells the whole family you took her gold. Why the accusation happens, why it lands on the person doing the most, and what to do instead of defending yourself.